Finding Confidence in Speaking Up: A Conversation with Glynis Middleton
Speaking up is not about speaking more or louder than others, instead, it is about the conviction that you have for your own worth. To me, speaking up is about understanding that your voice is equally as important as anyone else’s and having the confidence to stand up for yourself or reach for your own opportunities. When individuals lack confidence, it often manifests into a fear of speaking up for oneself, therefore limiting the likelihood of contributing and ideating effectively. I feel that it is important to shine light on an accomplished individual who has been able to facilitate a space of contribution and speaking up to help others find confidence within themselves. I hope that her story and the lessons she has learned thus far will inspire you to speak up and grow in your confidence!
Since graduating from the University of Alberta with a Bachelors of Music and completing her MBA at Queen's University, Glynis Middleton has had a diverse range of careers. From managing a national help desk and drafting TD Bank's first disaster recovery plan, to becoming the first female lender with TD Bank’s Edmonton Center branch and later an assistant branch manager, Glynis gained a wealth of knowledge. She realized that these experiences shaped her confidence and authority, and that working hand in hand with businesses is what truly appealed to her. Glynis later started a family and went into self-employment where she owned and operated a physical therapy clinic, and then her own business consulting practice. Her work today reflects the passion she has for striving for parity, as she is the Executive Director, External Relations of iHuman Youth Society which supports marginalized young individuals. Additionally, Glynis is leading the CMC-Canada Gender Parity initiative, working with others to strive for more immediate change where women and men’s metrics are on par.
From her vast experience in these fields, Glynis believes that speaking up means “finding your strengths, and speaking from those strengths with clarity and confidence. You don’t need to be 30 years into your career before you own your education, abilities, and experiences. You can start right where you are.”
So how do you get started?
Speaking up can come in many forms, from standing up for yourself, to using proper language, to being able to speak to a group because your voice is important too. Although speaking up can be scary, Glynis shared some helpful tips and tricks to help you speak up with confidence!
Rehearse your script! “Being given a pause draws attention to what was said before, and sometimes speaking up isn’t having an argument, but rather bringing attention to the matter.”
Use assertive language! “Sentences like ‘that feels uncomfortable’ or ‘I’m curious in learning more’ can help to remain present in a conversation.”
Take public speaking courses! “Speaking up for ourselves and using our space is an acquired skill.”
Practice theater skills! “These are grounding techniques, these skills help you present yourself as an authority, confident, self aware, and self assured.” For example:
Push your shoulders back and down
Keep your hands still
Put your middle finger to your thumb if you fidget, and place that circle to your thigh
Now that you know how, when should you speak up for yourself?
Well, that one isn't as easy to summarize in a few bullet points, so instead I asked Glynis to share some experiences that she has witnessed or experienced that required her or others to speak up.
Glynis has seen through recruitment that men and women approach job seeking differently. Women tend to rely on proof, where they feel like they need to have exact experience called for before they even apply. However, men are forward thinking and tend to lead from their strengths when job seeking as opposed to relying on having exact experience. In this example, a woman could stand up for herself by asking “if my best friend had the same skills as me, would I be encouraging her to apply for this job?”
Another scenario that Glynis covered was in her own work experience. In Glynis’s most recent corporate position, she was the only woman hired onto a team working in areas of finance, coming in with 20 years of self-employment experience. In one particular exchange with a colleague, they were reviewing a document and Glynis commented three times that there was an error on the statement of the data before the colleague was visibly annoyed.
He finally responded with: “yes dear.”
Glynis fired back with “I am not your dear in this moment” and in that moment the colleague caught himself short and asked “what did I say that upset you?”
Glynis realized that her colleague was seeking information that she could share. She responded with “the tone and the words yes dear are spoken in relationships when we want to pat somebody on the head and make them feel smaller than they are.” Ultimately, Glynis spoke up in this situation to express that he dismissed her input, and that she deserved his respect.
Both examples of job seeking and Glynis speaking up reveal an unconscious bias that people have and don’t realize how their perceptions are impacting themselves and others. It is instances like this that have helped Glynis build confidence to speak up for herself and help others.
So speaking up is about putting yourself forward for opportunities and not letting others shrink you down by accident?
Yes, but speaking up goes beyond that because we can also be cognizant of our language when speaking to ourselves and others. According to Glynis, “There is a lot of language that edifies the masculine, for example, ‘you throw like a girl’.” The key to speaking up is being aware of our language, including the way we speak to ourselves and speak up for ourselves. As women, myself included, we have a tendency to ‘shrink it and pink it’ in our language and it is harmful to our self-image (see our blog on ‘Why #BossBabe is More Harmful than Helpful’ for an example).
What is the biggest takeaway from Glynis’ experiences?
Women need to speak up for their accomplishments, skills, strengths and education. We need to stop shrinking and pinking, and be comfortable with valuing our voices and chasing opportunities. “Being a female, visible minority, woman of color, and a mother - there’s so much more room for us to do better. We need to find the courage to do work differently.” At the end of the day, finding the confidence to speak up is a work in progress, but every little bit goes a long way.