How do you get over imposter syndrome?
I don’t know about you, but imposter syndrome is something that I have struggled with my whole life. In every activity I have taken up, I have always felt like I don’t belong and that I am somehow taking away a space from someone who may be more deserving than myself. Women are particularly prone to falling victim to this idea that we just “lucked out” to get where we are or that “the odds were in our favour”. We try to dull down our accomplishments and credit them to the “stars aligning”. Beyond this, no matter how qualified we are, we still feel as though we don’t deserve to be where we are. It’s easy to get in your head about it and doubt yourself, but there are ways to address this. In this blog post, the Women In Business team, along with Alycia Fritze who works in Management Consulting and is an Alberta School of Business alum, are here to give you some tips about how you can use positive self-talk to overcome the roadblocks that imposter syndrome puts in your way.
1. Stop trying to be perfect.
This is a big one. One of the ways that we try to overcome imposter syndrome is by trying to cut out all our weaknesses and attain perfection. We convince ourselves that if we are perfect, people won’t have anything to expose or use to “out” us. I will be the first to tell you that perfection is one of the most unattainable constructs we have set up for ourselves as a society. You can never be perfect because it is entirely subjective! Don’t waste your time trying to be perfect. Employers and those around you don’t want a robot - they want a human who can recognize their mistakes and continuously choose to improve themselves. By letting go of this need to be perfect, not only will a weight be lifted off your shoulders, you will also be more confident in yourself and accept yourself for who you are. When you love yourself and are proud of yourself, others will automatically be drawn to you.
2. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone or “declare” your success.
This is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. I was in an Uber in San Francisco with two of my best friends and I was talking about how I feel like I am a fraud in the Faculty of Business. Everyone around me is always posting about their successes in terms of case competitions that they have placed at or their amazing internships and I for one, don’t love posting a lot about what I’m doing. I often feel inadequate and as if I am not “enough” despite attaining similar successes to my peers. My friends told me that I do not need to prove myself to anyone and I should let my successes speak for themselves without declaring them to everyone. This has stuck with me to this day because it reminded me of how just because I’m not as vocal about my accomplishments as those around me doesn’t mean I’m any less incredible than they are. Everyone is different and there is no mold of a “perfect business student”. For me, this was incredibly important in getting over my fear of being seen as less accomplished than others and not being a strong candidate for jobs. What I find incredibly useful is keeping track of my accomplishments for myself, regardless of how big or small they might be. This helps me when I am feeling down about myself because I can look back and remind myself of how far I have come and that I am fully capable of doing anything I set my mind to.
I encourage you to do this too - remind yourself that you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone and if you continue to do what you are passionate about, success will follow you and others will see this too.
3. Let yourself fail and make mistakes.
I know how tempting it is to avoid applying for internships or scholarships that you think you are unqualified for. If you never apply, you’ll never fail, right? Wrong! By not applying, you’ve already failed. You didn’t even give yourself the chance to see what happened. When I was in high school, I was so scared of failing that I didn’t apply to one of my dream schools. I’ll never know if I could’ve gotten in or not. Since then, I have changed my attitude completely to the point where I have applied for and been offered jobs that I feel like I am unqualified for. I have also applied for that particular university again and even though I was rejected, I am so happy that I applied because it helped me overcome my imposter syndrome and now I know. Failure is not a bad thing - in fact, failing sometimes is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Without failing, you never know how to improve or find what is meant for you. Take every opportunity that comes your way. The more you experience, whether good or bad, the more certain of yourself you will feel. Letting yourself fail and make mistakes builds resiliency and in turn, reminds you that you deserve everything you have accomplished, and you have the scars to prove it.
4. Take compliments!
As someone who gets wildly uncomfortable when people compliment me, I completely understand how difficult it is to just smile and say thank you. I always think people are “just saying it because they have to” but the truth is, no one owes it to me to go out of their way to commend me for my actions or abilities. They’re doing it because they genuinely want to recognize what I’ve done. When we constantly turn down compliments, we inadvertently make people think that maybe we really aren’t as good as they think. Why do we do this to ourselves? We do it because we are so caught up in insecurities and feeling out of place that we forget to recognize how truly amazing we are. So, starting right now, when someone compliments you, take it! Don’t try to undermine yourself, stand proud and just accept it. You deserve it! Not only will this help you build your confidence, you will also start to feel like you fit in more and that you are a valued member.
5. Talk about imposter syndrome
I know that this seems really obvious, but unfortunately, as common as imposter syndrome is, it’s not talked about enough. What ends up happening then is that so many people live in silence about their experiences and the negative cycles that are caused by imposter syndrome are perpetuated. Talking about imposter syndrome out loud to others helps us dispel the myths we tell ourselves about our worth. It’s also a great feeling to get it off your chest and know that other people around you also feel the same way most of the time. These conversations give us the chance to help validate our friends and colleagues and remind them that they belong too.
Alycia provides a perfect example of how beneficial it can be to talk about imposter syndrome in the open rather than hiding it away:
“During my first year of work, I often felt imposter syndrome because my coworkers are all rockstars. Anytime I felt this way I would talk to my closest friends at work and we would remind each other that we all feel that way sometimes but we were there on purpose. No one sneaks through the hiring process by accident.”
Talking about imposter syndrome is the first step to overcoming the barriers it poses. Don’t be afraid to bring it up - these conversations are important and will help create the changes we need to see!
6. Be okay with the uncertainty
Trust me, as someone who is a Type A personality and likes having everything organized down to the minute, dealing with uncertainty is something that I always struggle with. This feeling is also what makes people prone to imposter syndrome - if they can’t control everything, there may be somewhere that they feel they are lacking or as though one wrong move will destroy everything they have built up. This is normal and totally okay, but remind yourself that confidence is built through experience and over time. Even if you’re at the top of your mountain, you may still not be 100% confident in yourself and you know what, that’s a good thing. If you were 100% confident in yourself, you wouldn’t be learning or growing. It is so important to become okay with uncertainty because that’s where you develop and become the best version of yourself. Imposter syndrome is overcome through confidence and growth, which is uncomfortable. So sometimes it means you have to feel confused and sit in the uncertain zone in order to build your core confidence over time. Ultimately, you need to put the hours over the years to attain true confidence. Trust in yourself that you’ll get there.
As common as imposter syndrome is, we need to stop undermining ourselves. Whoever you are, you DESERVE to be wherever you are. Don’t ever let someone make you feel as though you only got where you are because the odds were in your favour. Even if they were, you worked hard to get where you are. Every late night studying, every networking session you went to, every failure has led you to where you are today. Imposter syndrome is truly holding you back from accomplishing everything that you are capable of.
As hard as it is to recognize your accomplishments and not feel out of place, you need to get comfortable with yourself. If someone compliments you on your promotion, don’t downplay it - say “thank you, I worked really hard for it and deserve it.” You are all incredible humans and you are not frauds in the slightest. The world is not always the nicest place - don’t give it more power to make you feel out of place or inadequate. Positive self-talk is the first step to overcoming imposter syndrome and if we all love ourselves a bit more, we can move mountains.
